Whether you’re an avid host or only have people over on holidays, odds are, you panic when it comes time to entertain guests. But while the menu may be set in advance, and drinks chilled to perfection, there’s a certain level of stress when people are entering your home, no matter how well you deep cleaned before the guests arrived. This is mess blindness, a concept that encompasses the feeling you get when you’re convinced that your home isn’t ready for guests, not even family. God forbid our homes look lived in, right?
“Mess blindness isn’t about being messy—it’s about being human,” says Lindsey Sanchez, Professional Organizer & Founder of Prim Space Home Organizing. “We stop seeing the clutter we live with every day until we imagine someone else seeing it, and suddenly, we see everything.”
Surprisingly, the solution to mess blindness isn’t decluttering or even developing a new cleaning routine. Instead, it deals with facing our fears of perception and criticism from the people we love. Of course, we do all need to clean! Luckily, there doesn’t have to be a whirlwind scramble to vacuum when you should be setting the table. In addition to Sanchez, we tapped Dr. Regina Lark, PhD, a professional organizer and author, to help us navigate mess blindness. Read on for their advice and tricks to keep entertaining fun.
What is Mess Blindness?
Have you ever decided to have company over, only to realize that your clean home isn’t actually clean? This is mess blindness. The state that your home is in when it’s just you and your family is held to a very different standard than your home when it’s being presented to those outside your household. “We’re wired to focus on what’s essential for getting through the day—work, meals, parenting—not the pile of papers that’s been sitting on the counter for a week,” says Sanchez. “When we’re constantly in our space, our brain filters out what it doesn’t consider urgent. But when guests are coming over, suddenly our brain does categorize those things as urgent, and we see the mess with fresh eyes.”
Why Does Mess Blindness Happen?
Our daily lives are busy—school drop-offs, 9-to-5s, dinner plans, workouts—there are only so many hours in the day, and our brains are wired to get us through these everyday tasks as efficiently as possible. This portion of our brain deals with our ‘executive functioning.’ And according to Lark, this executive functioning is what allows us to show up on time, complete tasks, and be productive. But when this mental process is damaged, whether through mental illness, periods of stress or change, or trauma, daily chores are harder to accomplish.
There is a type of survival mode that our bodies can enter when under stress. Essential processes are prioritized while extra tasks (like making your bed or dealing with the pile of mail) fall to the back burner. “When we clean for ourselves, the goal is often comfort and function—we want things to work well for our day-to-day routine,” Sanchez explains. “But when we clean for others, the goal shifts to presentation. We look at our homes through someone else’s eyes, which can create both motivation and stress. We want it to look ‘put together,’ even in spaces guests won’t necessarily see.”
Why Do We Put So Much Pressure on Ourselves and Our Homes?
Lark chalks up the dissipation of our ‘blindness’ to a nature vs. nurture perception of what is considered ‘good enough.’ Every person has a different definition of what clean means. “We have ideas in our head about what makes a perfect home, and what makes a tidy home,” says Lark. “And you assume people are looking through a critical eye.” The amount of mess-blindness you experience will vary drastically depending on who is coming over. You are so much more comfortable with family or your best friend than you would be, say, with your coworkers or new neighbors. ”We don’t allow our definition of good enough to be okay,” she says. “This is a larger problem I see in household management all the time.” Every member of the family will have a different standard—if you’ve ever complained about having to clean your room even though guests will never step foot upstairs, you get it.
Both Lark and Sanchez stress the importance of honoring your own definition of what ‘good enough’ means. Stand your ground when that mental flicker of doubt comes in, and welcome guests into a home that you’re proud to live in, not self-conscious of.
According to Lark, social media plays a role as well. Pinterest boards, Instagram posts, and magazine pages offer an aspirational look at ‘real homes,’ but onlookers often neglect to recognize the professional styling, photography, and retouching that go into these images. This leads to holding ourselves to unrealistic expectations, which will always lead to disappointment and a feeling that our homes will never be up to par.
How Can I Stop the Scramble?
Mess-blindness and the overwhelming pressure that comes with hosting don’t have to be lifelong struggles. Both Sanchez and Lark have a handful of tools that homeowners can use to mitigate the stress of entertaining.
Set Expectations, Then Delegate
Because each person’s definition of what a ‘good enough’ home means differs, Lark stresses the importance of aligning expectations before cleaning for guests. If you live in a shared household, you don’t have to tackle the guest prep alone. Assign each person a space to clean. When they’re done, you can give everything a final sweep to ensure their cleaning duties were done to your satisfaction. If you’d rather, set every person a task. One person can dust while the other vacuums, and someone else can collect clutter. Giving each person a job allows for a communal sense of productivity and accountability.
Make a Checklist
It sounds simple, but Sanchez recommends making a checklist for the areas that you typically clean when guests come over. This can help curb any last-minute stress or forgetfulness. “Step outside your front door and walk in like you’re a visitor. What do you notice first?” she says. “That’s your starting point.”
Set a Timer—or a Playlist
Lark swears by setting a timer when you’re tidying up. “Most people have no idea how long something takes them,” she says. “There’s a procrastination that happens when the task is mentally more daunting than it really is.” Digital editor Kate McGregor gives herself three to four songs to spruce up her apartment at the end of each night. At the end of the roughly 20 minutes, she stops, cutting off the never-ending rabbit hole that can happen when you start cleaning.
Work in Layers
You don’t have to spruce up your entire home in one go. Sanchez likes to work in layers. “Tackle one drawer or shelf at a time,” she says. Instead of jumping from task to task, work on completing one thing before fully moving on. This could look like clearing all surfaces, then wiping them down, then restyling.
Do a Whole Home Sweep
If you only have a few minutes, Lark recommends a sweep of your entire home. “Take a laundry basket, and fill it with things that belong in other rooms,” she says. “As you pass through the living room, put back the things in the basket, and pick up what doesn’t belong.” A brief spurt of productivity can help put away clutter and tidy up all at once.
